Badabing badaboom!

Inspired by ESPN’s resident tenured columnist and all-things-Boston-sports maven and super fan Bill Simmons and his recent 8 hour marathon chat with his readers, I have an epic “News I Find Interesting” segment for ya’ll. It’s basically a backlog of items I’ve come across in the past months on the Internet that I’ve been meaning to share with ya’ll. Speaking of sharing, Bill Simmons also asked in his latest column, “Who’s the oldest celebrity you’d be excited to have sex with?” He went with Sophia Loren. Maybe for another generation. But I thought she was dead? I’d probably have to say Jane Seymour.  I’m just sayin that the Dr. Quinn the Medicine Woman can treat me anytime and by treat me, I mean you know, do me. 

The more you know, kids, the more you know.

1. A fantastic New Yorker, natch article about Frida Kahlo. I just realized that I’ve never actually seen any of her paintings or Diego Rivera’s work either, in person.

2. Football cheerleader gets run over by football team. Someone needs to splice this video with that of Chris Tucker’s character from Friday yelling “You got knocked the pffffuck out!”

3. Speaking of getting knocked the pffffuck out, check out this video clip of a loud talking fat white kid challenging one of his Asian classmates to a little parking lot sparring session. I don’t think this was sanctioned by the state boxing or gaming commission and I don’t condone this sort of behavior among youths, but god damn fat white kid got knocked the pffffuck out!

4. Pornography has always been an early adopter of emerging technologies, stretching back to the printing press. This has profited the modern adult entertainment industry greatly as they’ve been quick to embrace new modes of displaying their product. However, lately, the YouTube revolution has spawned a naughtier side which has the porn industry Goliaths shaking in their clear 5 inch high heels. (Don’t worry, it’s an article from Conde Nast Portfolio.com.) Who knew that people may prefer free amateur un-glossy low resolution porn over the stylized and hyped productions offered by companies like Vivid?

5. That YouTube “Chocolate Rain” celebrity sells out to Dr. Pepper. And now is like, totally uncool, man.

6. The Economist forecast for 2008. Slightly cloudy with a possibility of light showers in the afternoon, and your new POTUS will be Hillary Clinton.

7. John Ashcroft willing to walk the talk and be waterboarded. By all means, good sir. It makes me sick to my stomach that we are still having a national debate about whether this is or isn’t torture. IT’STORTUREYOUMOTHERFUCKERS!

8. Relatedly, see Romney’s dodging response to the question about waterboarding in the recent YouTube CNN Republican debate (yea, that same debate where not a single question on the health care mess in this country was asked) as well as McCain’s great reply to Romney in the same video clip above.

9. Snoop Dogg’s new “Sensual Seduction” is the flyest music video right now.

10. A US judge threw an entire courtroom audience into jail over a ringing cell phone. Same judge has been removed from his post.

11. UN Committee Against Torture (it’s a good committee) looks at tasers. Specifically pertaining to the US, I’m concerned that with the rise and adoption by the police of “nonlethal” weapons at their disposal, they are too often relying on them unnecessarily when some good common sense and verbal communication, you know–like using their training–would diffuse a situation.

12. Web based dictionary…Web 2.0 style. Wordphiles, meet definr.

13. The world’s fastest clapper (yes, certified by Guiness Book of World Records who said, “Brilliant!”). It’s 100 times more interesting than it sounds, and I dare you to not try to clap fast while watching. Although it is creepy how he grins at the camera while clapping.

14. The professors at Us Versus Them ask regarding Beyonce: “Is she really thick?” or a just a slimmed down big girl with a dietitian, chef, personal Billy Blanks and Balco (or it’s equivalent) frequent shopper card in her pocket. Their analysis is always hard hitting and informative with a careful microscopic examination of the evidence. And always hysterical.

15. Ironic T-Shirt Mug Shots. Looking through the photos I realized that hipsters and rednecks have another thing in common other than trucker hats (altho these are pretty passe now, no?) and PBR. It inspired me to wear my Mustache Ride (5 cents) t-shirt.

16. The devil is responsible for Google stocks’ awesome share price.

17. Flash photography! Quite literally. You HAVE to click on this link (Don’t worry, it is not Two Girls One Cup).

18. Great article about the rich mofo who broke the cross country US in a car time. He drove from NY to CA in 31 hours 4 minutes. JetBlue would prolly have gotten him there quicker, except during holiday seasons when the airports like the shut down.

19. Hot Girl.

20. Most influential online videos of all time. [Thanks Jeff!]

21. Secret bars of NYC. Surprisingly no mention of anything in KTown.

22. I’m really excited to check out the new museum on Bowery. Looks amazing, although it’s yet another piece of the puzzle to make downtown Manhattan completely unaffordable (like it isn’t already…). Sigh.

23. This one house in Brooklyn has been replicated–to sometimes odd effect–all over the world. This is a pretty neat link and you should take three minutes out of your busy schedule to click through you jackasses. Woa, where’s this animosity coming from all of a sudden? I may need a drink of water and some food.

24. How much would it take for you to forfeit your right to vote? Half a million dollars? Free tuition at a second tier undergrad institution? iPod Touch? 10 dollar Macy’s gift card?

25. A little logic puzzle, “Let’s Do Lunch” for ya’ll to work out during your lunch break.

26. An amazing, amazing short story that’s inspired an episode of the Twilight Zone, and the Simpsons. Clay, you have to read this!

27. Laptop interfaces as imagined by kids, 7-9 year olds before society jumps in and tells them “No, you can’t do that! Stick within the lines! Don’t take chances!”

28. Pre-photoshop photo tamperings. Yea, that Stalin airbrushing out people from photos is in there too. Man, he was a real bastard. But had a pretty sweet mustache.

29. Super geeky but interesting video demonstrating the mathematical conundrum of turning a sphere inside out WITHOUT creases or sharp corner. You’re gonna have to bust out that TI-85 for this one ya’ll.

30. Now that it’s getting colder and colder outside, check out these NYC bars featuring a fireplace. Although about 6 shots of jagermeister will start a fireplace somewhere between your stomach and throat.

31. Men who look like old lesbians. Yup.

32. The Dell computer “Dude” guy from all those Dell computer commercials back in the day works currently at Tortilla Flats. I wonder if he gets annoyed when people call him “dude” in a non-patronizing or non-referencing context. Like a friend being like, “dude, pass the remote” or something.

33. Beauty and the HOLYFUCKINGCHRISTALMIGHTYJEEZUS Beast.

34. Radar tries to see if offensive t-shirts would result in the wearer being killed in NY. I was disappointed that there was no blood.

35. Wow. I’m done!

Don’t dreaink and driv.  Simiarlly, don’t drink and blog, but I know I’ve nbeen tardy in inupdating my entries here.  So while I have some time 9even t though I’m drunk, I thought I’d go ahead and add some inconsequential thoughts (yes, those last two lenthy words required everyer ounce of my focus and attentsion).

Came back from bar watfching the Packers and Cowboys game.  Fuckin’ Cowboys.  I hate Romo’s smirk.

On smimultaneously was the Knicks game versus thes Celtics.  WThtefuck thermoerfuckers!  Knicks were ebmarrassing.  THE JV team of the WBNA woucld could beat them by 16.  UFcuk Isaih and Stephond Marburyu .  Dudes aint worth shit lett alone millions.  Speaking of shitk, 2 girls one csups bitches!

Alson ont he tube at the same was time wasthe NHL game with the Rangers vs islanders.  Fellow highs chool classmate Gozmes Gomez scored agola!  gola! goal.  Goal!  hoorah!

Damn, the Thills The HIlls Hills on MTV is so good.   Spencer is pbasically a sociopath.  Heidi is a C cup;.  LC is doep, but her wcorworker atVogue is the hotness.  Wifey material sort.

my new njob is the hotness hopefully.  good tyitle.  Community marketing manger, US. (Oh, yea, for myspace.  Hmm, tasty, it is.)

Spotted Peter Dinklage on Crosby Street with a friend walking a dog.  I can’t help but state the obvious.  He was short.

Trent Lott announced this week that he was retiring from the US Senate at the end of the year.  Do we have another potential wide stance development?

Я получил новую работу сегодня.

انني حصلت على عمل جديدة اليوم.

Ελαβα μια νεα δουλεια σημερα.

나는 오늘 새 직장을 얻었다.

I got a new job today. Please feel free to send me congratulatory champagne bottles.

Check out the reactions of these people watching the video phenomenon that will never make you look at a cup or two girls or the frozen yogurt machine the same way.

I will not sully the good name, reputation, and honor of my blog by linking to it from here. I’ve provided enough clues in this entry for you, oh curious and brave one, to use your Google fu powers and find the video yourself. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, and certainly do not embark on this journey while at your place of employment, during your Con Law lecture, or around those that may judge.

Oh, you’re welcome Chris, Tony, Brent, and Dean for forever burning your eyes for eternity with this video.

Update: Add Kaizar to the list above. I was greatly rewarded seeing Kaizar’s reaction, which included the push-laptop away and cry in disgust as well as the bonus dry heave.

Update: Yet another one bites the shitty dust. Current roll call: Chris, Tony, Brent, Dean, Kaizar, and Akash. You are all very welcome.

Update: Cliff can also be added to the aforementioned hit list. I feel like that assassin in that new…Assassin movie. Note that “ass” is in “assassin” twice. Relevance? Ask Chris, Tony, Brent, Dean, Kaizar, Akash, and Cliff what they think of when they hear “ass.” Cliff did however admit to actually watching the video twice. The second time to “make sure it wasn’t fake.” Uh huh.

Update: Jeff was also an early victim (or beneficiary?  I like to think they are two sides of the same shitty coin) whom I forgot to add to my victim list.  Jeff refuses to click on any further links on this blog, but I know he’ll be tempted one day by that link that says click here to watch three girls with their own cups!

It never fails: I always see some interesting shit every day in Soho. Today: Putting my CSI training to work, it appears that a Jeep ran into a cab, which then crashed into the front door of a Spanish lunch counter on Lafayette and Spring St. Luckily emergency services responded right away…because a fire station is located right across the street. No models or celebrities were injured.

Requisite cell phone snapshots that I took:

Is it too soon to play this particular song below for this week’s Easy Listening Sunday installment? Thanksgiving is a fantastic holiday, but it wouldn’t be the same holiday if it occurred in any other month, because part of the appeal of Thanksgiving is its status as the opening act for the main show, Christmas.  I personally am such a sucker for the December holiday season.  Call it marketing gullibility or whatnot, but I really do feel all warm, cozy, and festive at seeing the red Starbucks holiday cups, the lights hanging from trees, and hearing this easy listening holiday song featuring Ray Charles and Betty Carter:

As I typically do every year–except for the JH period–I went to Delaware for Thanksgiving and relaxed with Kaizar & Clan, and his assorted relatives who stopped by that week.

On the Chinatown bus to Wilmington, DE aka the place where corporations are formed. Due to F train delays it took me approximately 35 minutes to go two stops on the subway. Bastard MTA! I want my 2 dollar fare back! This may explain our irritated looks here.

Kaizar actually having to work in the tightest workspace possible. Go check out his company’s website that he runs as editor at Newstrust.net.

Once we got to his home, we chilled out with his parents and then crashed. The next night we headed into Philadelphia to visit Akash!

Kaizar brought along a Bob Dylan album to listen to during the drive. Nothing gets a pre-party going like Dylan! Note the similarity in Bob D’s hair with Kaizar’s hair.

Thumbs up.

We met up with Akash at his sister and her husband’s apartment. We could hear their new baby crying from outside the door, so we bid a quick adieu and Akash took us to a friendly pub nearby with good quality beers. Note the local NFL football team’s logo on the glasses. Classy! It was nothing like the bar in my favorite TV show du jour, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.” Oh well.

Go Eagles and their extremely subpar season!

Kaizar’s the big winner!

Akash took over the camera for awhile and decided to take it old school with the black and white feature and this really flattering photo of me. Gawd, I look awesome.

As does Kaizar here.

Akash objects to not having a groovy photo of himself.

I don’t recall what sort of beer it is I ordered here, but the bartender decided it required the fancy glasses.

Leaving the bar.

[Hilarious, but censored.]

[Hilarious, but censored.]

We were starving but all the pizzerias were closed by the time we left the bar. Luckily we found a diner.

Oh yes, what’s a night without pizza fries, I ask you.

Disgusting.

Really disgusting.

Foul.

Then we walked back to the car. Or rather jumped around to the car.

Don’t block the box while Kaizar’s jumping, ya’ll.

Jumping.

Akash’s virgin jump on this blog. There will be more in the future, Akash!

Heading back.

Showing Philly the love.

The next day was Thanksgiving prep day in the kitchen. Kaizar in a nonpareil moment of laziness decided that it was too far to walk to where his pants were, so instead he put on whatever was closest to him that morning. That turned out to be one of his mother’s skirts.

All that time in San Francisco is starting to confuse his sense of identity.

Kaizar’s brother Mufu doing his part to help.

I did my part by giving moral support while playing Halo 3.

Still sleeping.

As the muscle of the house, we had to transport this gargantuan TV in.

Thanksgiving Day was a taste explosion in my mouth.

This turkey was so freakin amazing. I want some now!

While waiting for everything to finish cooking, we drove around until we found some firewood to “borrow” from neighbors.

Git in ma’ belly!!!

Mmmmmm.

The kids table.

Thanks again to Kaizar’s parents for hosting and feeding us! There’s nothing better than waking up at noon, then sitting down to some awesome breakfast-lunch (brunch I suppose) along with some yummy chocolate ice cream, then playing Halo 3 for a couple hours followed by an afternoon coffee break (good job on that french press coffee, Kaizar!), more Halo 3, then more awesome food during dinner, more Halo 3, then getting a few drinks at the Gold Club before finishing off the day with an hour or so of the Military Channel (top 10 tanks specifically) before heading to bed.

Hope Everyone had an equally groovy and stress free Thanksgiving ya’ll!