The first thing I saw when I came home after the gym and looked at my Google Reader was a new OMFG entry from Moye who runs a blog called Chopstix, but can’t actually use chopstix chopsticks. There needs to be a word for this, kind of like how “illiterate” (Confession: I misspelled illiterate the first time around on this entry. Dunce cap. Me.) means unable to read or write, and how that brilliant German word “schadenfreude” describes the feeling of immense joy one gets at another’s destruction or misfortune.
Anyways.
I immediately freaked out at the entry, like the way my female roommate freaks out whenever some “gotcha” scene occurs in a movie.
I interrupted Chris’s cooking and had him come over and read the entry.
Chris’s immediate response: “Good for him. GOOD for him.”
What could have caused such an uproar? Harry Potter, 18 (Danielle Radcliffe is his real name but whatever, I had to look that up. He’ll always be Harry Potter) is dating his fellow co-star Hermione, 17 (Emma Watson–read above parenthetical about Harry). Again, Harry Pott-ah is dating Hermione. I’m freaking out over this news for some reason and I’m not even a Harry Potter fan: I’ve only read one of the books, and seen only two of the films. I’ve sent out a transmission to Chloe–one of the biggest Harry Potter fans I know. Hopefully she’ll give us her thoughts on this groundbreaking story. Mrod calling Chloe. Mrod calling Chloe. Do you hear me? Mrod calling Chloe.
I want to go back to Chris’s earlier comment. I think what he’s referring to (I can’t ask him now because I think he’s in his room listening to John Mayer) is that despite the fame, Harry Potter isn’t exactly a lady killer. I’m keeping it on the straight tip, but he’s no Jude Law who really is prettier than most girls. Jude Law is like the Golden Retriever of dudes. Prancing around with coiffed hair and a constant grin because life is so fucking beautiful.
On the other hand, keeping it on the legal side, Emma Watson is maturing into a very lovely conventionally attractive white chick. Of course, any guy’s stock rises if he is seen with an attractive girl on his arm. So I wonder if this will propel Harry Potter from just “that famous kid who wears dorky glasses and talks about magic like those dorks with the cards and dice” level to that stage where Lenny Kravitz sees him at Gold Bar and yells “Danny! Danny! DANNY!” as he is dancing with Hot Girl.
In Other News
Barack Obama wins Wisconsin. Obama in his victory speech also promised that he would personally help Ron Weasley step up his game. Obama is a great wing man.
5 responses so far ↓
Moye // February 19, 2008 at 11:40 pm |
not jude law. jonathan rhys meyers is the golden retriever of dudes!
chloé // February 20, 2008 at 1:04 am |
So I had the worst day ever. After leaving Apple bar I saw the origin of all problems, the full moon! Trust me my divination ability is wholesome. The acceptance letter to Hogwarts was lost in the mail when I was 11, cuz postal service in china was just lame, but I did end up in England, sans the magic. :(
Anyways as the train crawls across wburg bridge I just had this feeling, my unawaken magic I tell ya, and then suddenly I heard Mrod’s evil inner voice. Don’t think he is acting like he knows nothing about the wizarding world, he actually works for the Minister of Magic to try to cover up what really happened.
You see, Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Tom Felton and Emma Watson, those are just Muggle names made up by JK Rowling when she wrote a book about Harry Potter and his life. Back then JK was a wizard who wrote at The Quibbler and bartended at the Leaky Cauldron in London when she first met the young and famous wizard Harry Potter. They became good friends and one day over firewiskey, JK came up with this crazy idea of documenting Harry’s life and publishing it in the Muggle world. The result, we all know.
When the book got so popular and some studio decided to make the movies. The Minister of Magic worry this situation might go out of control, so he ordered Harry, JK and some key people in their lives to take age potion and oblivioused the casting director of the HP movies so the real Harry and company could be cast.
When it comes to love, Harry, or as we know, Daniel, is the mascot of teen angst. I mean come on, his job application should write: I am Harry Potter, and I keep on living. He truly believes no one will stay with him forever. That’s why he kinda like dating his friends. Harry is also a bisexual fyi. He had a hot scandless fling with Draco Malfoy, or as we know Tom Felton, but then again who can resist Malfoy.
Before she discovered Muggle tequila shots, Hermione used to think “Hogwart, A History Special Edition with Special Features on House Elves” is her porn. Now she is Britney gone bad and soon entered the teen angst domain as well. While Ron and Ginny and the rest of the good people buy ice cream truck, gain weight, have Muggle bangs and enjoy their lives as the rich and famous, playing themselves and fooling all of us, Harry and Hermione are sinking deeper and deeper into the darkside. So now the trio is Harry, Hermione and Draco and they often have amazing threesomes.
However, recently Draco found his new love/salvation, music and muggle guitar. See:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijMNecILi-Q
So he starts his career on youtube and abandoned Harry and Hermione. Finally on Feb 14th, the Day of Wizard Hatred. Harry and Hermione got together at the Imperial Arms in London and intended to plot to against those who betrayed them. But they were spotted by some Aurors and reporters from TMZ at the same time, so they had to pretend they were flirting and celebrating a Muggle Vday as Daniel and Emma. What the reporters of Muggle media didn’t see, but our Aurors did was that after they left the bar, Harry and Hermione met with another wizard, the only wizard who JK left out of the book and hence he could keep his wizarding name, Barack Obama. Obama graduated from Hogwarts the same year Vordmort did and he went on and became the Head of Muggle Administration at the Ministry of Magic. Finally he and the Minister decided the best way to build Muggle relations was for Obama to run for president of the United States, since they already can control the British Prime Minister through that ugly painting.
So yah, Mrod, I know you, I drank with you last Sunday night at the Leaky Cauldron so you can’t fool me! The Minister sent you from the Daily Prophet to WordPress and aimed to cover up the truth with some teen love story. Well the truth will come out soon, when Obama wins he will pull out a wand and turns the Yankees into a Quidditch team!
I will date Ron and Equus will come on DVD, and then…. I guess, world peace?
lol. NAH. Im mucho mucho happy they are dating, if they are dating.
evidences:
chloé // February 20, 2008 at 1:05 am |
did i mention im a harry potter fan?
cb // February 20, 2008 at 10:30 am |
ummmm chloe? i read one and a half paragraphs and then stopped. i was just saying, “good for him.”
maxie // December 17, 2008 at 1:01 pm |
that was awesome lol